Entering the Desert

thanks for the reflections and prayers. 
constant discernment is needed for me.  i trust that more is being asked of me.  given my state in life, i trust that it can’t be found online.  where do i go from here?  after all, He brought me to this place.  is it a lesson in detachments, moderation, serving one master…?  i’ve been tested for these before and sadly, i did not pass.  in fact, i was late to the test.  His mercy prevailed and my heart was softened.  i desire to pass this test as a small offering for the blood He shed for me.
it is my time in the desert.  how i long to hear Him.  i question my readiness and faith.  i do not coward in despair but run to my mother’s arms.  she is sure to comfort me and show me the way.  i have proven (many times) that i only know the long thorny paths.  i am lost without her.
i fear that i am becoming lukewarm and confused due to my compromise with pleasure-seeking.  i desire to be set on fire.   i must love and serve Him on His terms. 
Jesus, show me anything in my life that might be stifling the Holy Spirit (1 Thes 5:19) and driving You away.
i pray to be a little soul -- to follow Him blindly.
my prayers are being answered at rapid speed and His answers are not what I had requested. i know this is His gentle way of bringing me closer to Him but i'm definitely stuck. He will have to carry me or at least send His Blessed Mother for me. :-)

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